Pictured: Chakra Workshop at Bhakti Barn in Millbun, NJ...family, friends, and yoga :)
It’s so easy to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be when everything is going our way, like when you get to the subway and the train is just there, waiting for you. When you have enough money, friends, love, and your career is going great, you can feel really connected to the universe.
But what happens when you get to the train and you have to wait 1O minutes?! Or you can’t get to work because of an impending “storm.” Or what if that friend who you love so much is just annoying the hell out of you? Or that person you met never called?
Those are the times when we need to trust more than ever, yet are also the times it’s easiest to doubt, fear, worry, and lose faith in our path.
I know that when everything is going great, I’m on top of the world -- my faith and trust fully intact. I just KNOW that I’m in the right place at the right time -- the proof is right in front of me.
Then when those days, weeks, months come along that test me, it’s very easy to go out of balance. So instead of just sitting with what is, I try and CONTROL everything around me. Maybe it’s time to make myself be in a relationship by telling the world I’m available. Maybe I need to try and get even more classes than I already have to prove to xyz (aka my ego) that I am a hard worker, that I want more, and I’ll get more. Maybe it’s time to make myself so busy that I can run away from what I’m feeling.
But you know what? All those scenarios get me further and further away from my truth. The more I sit still, the more my life comes into view. The more I loosen my grip of the illusion of control, the more things are handed to me on a silver platter. If only I could remember that in the midst of confusion, fear, doubt, etc.
A year ago exactly, I was sitting at a desk at my 9-5 advertising job paralyzed with fear. I KNEW I needed to leave this job, which I stayed in over and over again for years. I knew I wanted to teach full-time. I had the plan in place. I would work through the end of February and then leave. Meanwhile, I still had to get through three weeks of work and it seemed impossible. I remember calling my friend and telling her I couldn’t breathe and I had to get out of there- it was a Friday. She said I could leave that day if I wanted, to just breathe. So I took a deep breath, and decided to let it all go for a weekend. I didn’t worry, I didn’t fear, I trusted and knew that within three weeks I would be out of there, ready to finally take on the role of a full-time teacher. After a restful and self-loving weekend, I walked into the office prepared to stick it out, and what happened? I was let go! Kindly, amicably, with 3 weeks severance! So the 3 weeks I would have had to endure there before I quit, I was able to begin my new journey while being paid! Today I get to write this blog to all of you, teach what I love more that 23 times a week, and I couldn’t be happier.
So I’m here to say that control isn’t real. We cannot control the weather. We cannot control when it’s time to meet someone new. We cannot control when love enters our lives or when it leaves our lives. We can definitely put in the work toward the desires we have, but it’s not up to us to know when the things we want will come to fruition.
Just look back for a moment at your life. Did you always get what you wanted by DOING? Sometimes we can work and work and see no results because our minds or our egos are too attached on what comes next. The only thing we can control is how we are right NOW.
Feeling down? Give yourself the time you need to sit with these feelings and watch them pass. Practice self-love, instead of looking outside of yourself for assurance. Not trusting your path? Sit, breathe, feel. Sometimes the biggest results come from inaction. We don’t always have to be “on” to get the things in life we truly desire. It all starts with you. So loosen the grip of “control.” Sit with yourself. Love yourself. And if you don’t know how to do that, trust that you will. One breath at a time, and eventually the KNOWING will come shining through, and you to will be handed all you need on a silver platter.
Move out what no longer works, and make room for what does